Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my mom’s birthday. She would have been 77 years old today. It’s not just any other day. It’s her special day. Celebration of Helene Wolf, the woman who raised me to become who I am today. She gave me the wings to fly. To be me. She protected me ever since I was an infant. She loved birthday parties. All parties. All celebrations. Mom just loved to put her creativity into all of our parties. She spent so much time planning, designing, making as special as possible. She loved to be the hostess, taking care of everyone. All of our friends couldn’t wait until one of mom’s parties.

This year seems so much more special than any other since her physical death 6 years ago. It’s been a rough few months in so many different ways. So many changes. Memories. Breakdowns & breakthroughs. Transformations. New beginnings. And endings, too. Growth.

I’ve been spending the morning remembering and meditating. We all make mistakes. My mom made many. I have made many, too. We all make mistakes. We wouldn’t be who we are today without making those mistakes and going through the journey called life – becoming and growing into who we are supposed to be. My mom helped me to grow into the person I am today.

Today, she attends every single one of my mediumship workshops, helping all of my students to learn. Each time she comes through to one of them, they surprise themselves by bringing through something different, never the same information twice. My mom, the patient teacher – then, now and always.

She was always so full of life. I remember as a kid on our Sunday drives, Dad would say “Helene, where to today?” and she would reply, “Al – just follow the sun.” That was my mom. Always wanting to follow the sun, to follow the magic. She was the most vibrant person I know. She enjoyed spending time with her grandchildren, her kids, and her sisters and their families. She loved life in all its complexity and in all its simplicity.

My mom spent the last seven days of her life in hospice. I stayed with her 24/7 – every night I slept with my head on her stomach just like when I was a child. Sometimes I would scoot into bed with her, just like she did when I was a child having nightmares. I told her stories. Talked to her as if she could talk back. I held her hand.

Two days before she died, she opened up her eyes, and told us – “Look, I’m dancing! I can dance again!” We laughed and we cried.

The time ebbed and flowed those seven days. The experience of my mom’s transition taught me to give up control and to allow nature to take the lead. Just like when I gave birth to my daughter. She was born 30 days early. She just couldn’t wait to begin life. We had no control over her birth, just as we have no control over our physical death.

My mom had one foot in another world those seven days, and one foot on the earth plane. Her and I were in between worlds together. We experienced the same things. As human beings, our physical bodies are connected to our internal states: our feelings, thoughts, and souls. So why not our spiritual bodies too?

I witnessed many miracles during my mom’s transition. Her soul filled the room with light, love and magic. I grieve the loss of her physical body every single day. But I am blessed to still see her in my space all of the time. I love when she pulls Kai’s tail and he runs around in circles. I love when she pets Tucker’s neck. It’s fun to watch the interaction between her and my pups.

Everyone grieves differently. I didn’t allow myself to fully grieve for my mom until this past summer. I had help though. I was working with a soul coach who helped me to see and feel so much more than I ever felt before. I always wanted to be there for everyone else, just like my mom did, that I forgot to take care of myself.

It’s okay to cry. It’s all right to grieve. There is no time limit to grief. We all must take care of ourselves. Self-care. Self-love. It helps to know that our departed loved ones are still around us. We are never alone. I think that’s what has gotten me through – knowing that I am never alone.

Today is my Mom’s day. And this afternoon I will take my dogs on a hike and early picnic dinner to celebrate my mom. We will watch the sunset and just be together. Just like we used to do as kids with her over her birthday weekend. And I will celebrate life. Because that’s what life is all about:

Celebration. New Beginnings. Loving. Being. Growing. Transforming. Always.