Do you allow other people's opinions control you?
Do you allow other people’s opinions control you?
I admit it. I used to. And I confess that sometimes I still fall back into the same old patterns. I’m a work in progress.
This holiday weekend I took some time to check-in with me. I asked myself the questions – Who am I? – What do I desire? I let go of the opinions of others in order to connect with my own truth. I tuned into my desires, my voice, and my truth.
Each of our paths are unique, different and special. When we give too much credibility to other people’s opinions, we are basically telling our true-self to buzz-off – that we don’t matter and that we are not enough.
We don’t need to wait for other people to approve of us. We need to approve of ourselves. We need to be who we are. Authentic. Have you ever noticed when other people disapprove of you, you feel terrible? Don’t. Be YOU. You are enough.
Don’t ever become a slave to what other people want. If you are constantly trying to please everyone with every decision, you will never tune into your own needs and you will be driving yourself in circles.
As a young person, I always wanted to be the best. Not the best me, but the best to everyone else. Everyone else’s needs came before mine. Every decision I made was based on whether I was going to please the people in my life. It took me years to realize that I need to be happy with me – who I am. I need to be the real me, the authentic me. Every time I worked to please everyone in my life, I was losing myself in that shuffle.
I worked very hard to stop allowing other people’s opinions of me to affect me. A few months ago, I took many steps backward and allowed the opinions of others to mess with me. My self-esteem crashed. I began to once again overthink everything. The questions began swimming through my head – Am I enough? Who am I? What do I want? I allowed someone to tangle with my self-esteem, to mess with my head. Why did I do that? I allowed myself to go back to my younger days when all I wanted to do was be approved by others.
We do not need the approval of others. We need to approve of ourselves. Love thyself. Be authentic. Be You. You are Enough. Follow your dreams. Follow your path.
So, this brings me back to this past weekend. I took the time to check-in with me. I went shopping – sat at the pool & read a book – took walks with my pups – caught up with my favorite Netflix shows. It felt good. I remember who I am now. I don’t need anyone’s opinion to make me feel good or bad. This weekend brought me back to me. I stopped caring what others think of me and tuned into me again. My truths.
We need to learn to trust our own judgment. People pleasing squashes your own desires. By constantly twisting and molding yourself to fit the idea of what other people think you “should” be, forces you to stop showing your whole personality. You stop feeling like you can be yourself. You stop trusting your own judgment because you assume that other people know better.
Don’t live life on the terms of others. You will be the only one left with regret for not having lived a life truly authentic to who you are. Don’t give other people so much power over you.
Allow your friends, family, romantic partners and business associates the opportunity to truly know you and how amazing you are. Don’t cheat yourself out of real intimacy and success. Live your life how you truly want, need and desire.
When you worry about what other people think, it’s usually a projection. You are projecting your own fears and your own internalized self-judgment onto other people. Take responsibility for letting go of other people’s judgments. This will empower you to stop being harsh and judgmental with yourself.
Many years ago, when I came out as a gay woman, I worried what my family and friends would think of me. This worry kept me in the closet for so many years. When I told my family that I am a medium and a psychic, I again worried what they would think of me. These thoughts crushed my dreams. I projected my own fears. I was judging myself. Once I let that go of all of that, all of the fears about what other people would think went away very quickly.
The key to being you, to feeling that you are enough, is increasing your self-esteem and self-worth. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t even look at what everyone else is doing. Everyone’s journey is different. No one’s life looks the same. By dropping the comparison game, and holding ourselves accountable to meeting our own goals, we stop feeling like we’re running a race on a treadmill that won’t stop and let us catch our breath. It is exhausting! Comparison will drive you bonkers. And it’s self-imposed torture.
No one can give us self-esteem. Only we can give ourselves self-esteem. It has to come from the self. Feel great about yourself. Stop caring about what others think. Don’t allow others to fill your cup in order to feel good about yourself. Ultimately this is YOUR LIFE.
Make the decision to stop caring about what others think of you. Make the commitment to yourself and to your happiness. Commit to living your life based on your desires and what would make you happy. Forget about failure. Failure is nothing to fear. We all make mistakes. Think of your mistakes as opportunities to learn.
Ask yourself these questions. What do you feel is right for you? What is your true path? What type of person do you really want to be? Tune in to yourself. Once you answer your questions, you will always have a connection with your truth.